Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
