I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'd cum for enchiladas.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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