i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
