Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
