god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
