apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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