We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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