Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
