you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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