we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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