So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
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