yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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