I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
