just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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