Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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