Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
