No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
