Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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