From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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