eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I want a musical about memes.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
