let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
