I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
