You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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