I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
