How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
