if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
