How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
