I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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