dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
