i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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