Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
