..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
