My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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