No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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