im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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