There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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