btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You can't special order awesome
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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