We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
