Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
