Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
