I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We have so much sex to catch up on
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
