I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize