If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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