i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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