New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
