Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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