I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
