hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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