I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
