I'm gonna have a badass scar
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
