I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
