have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
