U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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