i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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