hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Randomize
