He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
