"it" just moved
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
