Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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