Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
