dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It's Friday. Sex?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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