He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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