Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
