just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
