i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You took a bar mat shot.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
