I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
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Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
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He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.