You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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