I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The Olympian is in my bed
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I am mentally ready for anal.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
