dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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